Okay, so I call the place I end up going to when being spanked/flogged/caned/whipped and the like, happy floaty land. Is it true sub-space, I have no idea. Could you get me to do damn near anything when I’m there…oh yes, I’m very malleable. I’m happy and giddy really wanting to please and be pleasing. It’s almost like I have had about 2 drinks of hard liquor. I’m definitely buzzing. I can also see why alcohol and play should NOT be mixed.
Now, it’s not like being able to shut everything out…actually just the opposite I find that I’m extremely focused on the moment..although I do get a bit ADD *oh shiney* in happyland. Now, I don’t know however said that after awhile your ass gets numb…but the LIE!!! I can say this because after a few long play sessions now…over 2 hours close to 3…not once have I ever been able to say that my ass has gone numb, or that I ever blocked out the pain…nope, I felt every swat and loved each one. Which is not what I actually thought that I would do or like.
Pain was something I was always afraid of, terrified actually. I never thought I would enjoy it or want more. I think part of it is approach too…if bringing up beatings is always “I’m going to turn you into a painslut” statements, well that drives fear, it doesn’t ease it away. But having watched someone else in person get a beating…omg, that experience was truly lifechanging. Every fiber of my being said…”I WANT TO DO THAT”. It called to me on a level and need I just cant explain. It brought out very intense emotions and feelings that it took me a bit to process.
Then I started actually experiencing things. Wow, after every incident I just want more, go further, do more…I almost feel like turning the meow mix song from meow to more more more more more more more more…more..more..more. There not only is the pain part that’s connecting with me, but also it connects me with people too. There’s a connection during the interaction that’s something that I crave to the depths of my soul as well.
I had never thought of myself as a masochist, but I’m becoming more and more comfortable identifying myself as such. I love laying down knowing that I’m going to be whipped, spanked, flogged, and caned until I’m red hot and bright red. My body reacts it’s thrilling and erotic. It turns me on and gets everything just going. I long for more intense interactions. Yep, time to just face the facts…I’m a masochist. No, just side about it.