my Sanctuary


Welcome to my sanctuary. This is a place for me to share the ups and downs of my life as a mother, woman, friend, and subbie. To revel in the triumphs and work through the difficult parts, but to always be me...the good...the bad...and the playful.

Fall Is Finally Here

Fall is finally here in Florida and i'm loving it.  Fall has always been my favorite time of year. i love the crisp air and the chilled wind that only seems to come in the fall.  With the colors so brilliantly bright, for some reason even though it should be it should be a sign of death, i feel everything is so alive during the fall. 

Maybe it's the sensory overload, but there is just something about the smell, look and feel of fall that's like no other season.  Well, that and i'm allergic to so many flowers that spring isnt too pleasant for me.

i've never been a big fan of winter...but fall is such a special time of year.  When it's finally cool enough to do things outside for most of the day.  As a child it was also a signal that weeding the garden was done for the year.  i thruly thing that the only carefree days that i had were always in the fall.  There was no getting ready for planting, or horse shows or fair schedules like there was in spring, and it's not so bitter cold as it was in the winter **i grew up a montana girl**. 

Fall was spent reconnecting with friends and spending time out riding horses.  Most all of the yearlings were sold that were going to sell during the summer, and there was no training to be done.  It was just me and my own horse following our own schedule.  May that's why i love this season so much.

Fall to me brings a surge of energy, maybe it's the energy that the earth stores for the winter to rebound everything so vibrantly in the spring.  The potential for the next year being stored with in the rich depths of the earth.

That or it's the fact that i can finally open up the house and lower the air conditioning bill.

Sleep It's A Good Thing

Sleep is a good thing.  For those that know me, they know that i don't sleep well. Usually it's only a few hours a night and most of that is spent tossing and turning.  i've started taking meds for my anxiety and that's helped somewhat over the last month or so, but i was still having trouble falling asleep so on my last doctor visit the doctor prescribed some sleeping meds.

Needless to say, i've had two nights in a row of blessed sleep. i can't tell you how wonderful it feels to wake up rested...actually rested.  So often i wake more tired and worn out than when i went to bed in the first place, but this morning i woke...rested and refreshed.

The majority of my anxiety happens at night, when for the life of me i just can't get my brain to turn off.  Thoughts and fears run amok playing havoc with my brain.  It probably wouldn't be so bad if my brain didn't go over all the negative things that have or could happen.

As another wonderful bonus, the meds have a muscle relaxer in them, and my back doesn't hurt in the morning.!!!

So things are looking up...i'm starting to feel better. my emotions are getting under control, anxieties under some measure of check, and i'm getting some real rest.  Hopefully, this is the time for everything to start turning around in my life for the positive.  one can only hope.

Just What Kind of Property is a slave?

So often i hear of Masters that refer to their slave’s as property, which is fine and i agree with…but just what kind of property are They talking about.  So may refer to their slaves as being like a piece of furniture, a prized piece of jewelry, or a fancy sports car.  It’s those analogies that i personally have a problem with.  A slave is not an inanimate object, but a sentient being with thoughts and feelings.

A piece of furniture can be placed in a corner and forgotten about; jewelry placed in a box or drawer to hardly ever be seen or used…and that sports car can be placed in a garage rarely driven.  To those item no harm can come to them…there is no worry or concern for their mental well-being…they don’t have one.
A better analogy in my view…is that of a family pet.  Some pets have a job to do and tasks that must be done.  A pet is not always pleasing…sometimes they get into trouble.  Sometimes they think on their own **think of that prized mouse catch or the slobber filled slippers**.  If you place a pet away from interaction it will forget it’s place and the rules that it’s to live by.  A pet will get lonely, a pet will act out, a pet will feel hurt and sad, as well as, happy and playful.  A pet will have good days and bad, but no matter’s still owned and it’s still just a pet. Most pets are prized for the place that they fill be that as a work animal or as a companion.  A pet can suffer neglect the same as a slave…not from intent, but simply by owners who didn’t understand the responsibility that comes with having one. Pets need reassurances in much the same way a slave does…they need to be told that they are good and loved.  And they need to be disciplined when they misbehave.

There are so many correlations between a slave and a pet, that i could go on and on, but i think that by now you have caught my meaning.

Personal Responsiblity

There is something to be said about taking personal responsibility for ones actions.  Maybe it's the times we live in or the society that is being promoted...that it's always someone else's fault.  i'm unhappy because of the actions of **insert name here**.  i am the way that i am because of *my boss*.  Excuse after excuse is used to justify bad behavior.  Anything and anyone is to blame for their's not their fault.  What's worse is when people make excuses for them as well.  All that does is let that person know that it's okay to always blame someone else for their situation, when the truth is...we are all individually responsible for the place we are in our lives.  Take some responsibility for your actions...and with that comes accountability.

If there is not personal responsibility then one doesn't accept that they are accountable for their actions.  And the endless victim mindset and cycle begins.  How to you change behavior if someone isn't taking responsibility for their actions.  How do you hold them accountable in a meaningful way.  How do you stop the "it's so and so's fault" syndrome.

i try my best to teach my children that they are responsible for their actions...NO matter what the underlying reason for the action.  Two wrongs DON'T make a right.


i think it's important to always remember that we are a reflection of our Masters both online and off.  One should always think about how their words and actions reflect upon their Master.  i had the unfortunate experience recently of watching a slave be complete rude to an entire group of people, so much so that i had to wonder why she chose to be there.  She was not only being a poor reflection upon her Master but with the group she was with as well.  Then there is the rude behavior the flourishes online.  This behavior is often disguised and well "i'm just telling it like it is".   i firmly believe in conveying one's experiences especially when they differ from others as it gives a more broad view of the lifestyle and people can see just how different every relationship is from another; however, there is a tactful way to do so which is informative and non-confrontational.  Which do you think is a better reflection?

Another important thing to keep in mind when reading blogs around the net is the fact that they to are aware of the fact that their posts are also a reflection upon their Master.  It's only natural for them to reflect their Master's in a positive light.  Their words *including my own from time to time* sing the glowing praises of our Masters.   So i tend to focus on the good parts of our relationship, and not the frustrating ones.  While those in blog land might want to hear about the times that Master frustrates me so much i'd love to just shake Him; i don't think that airing that 'dirty laundry' is appropriate or a good reflections.  That and there are many times when words written in frustration can and do cause more harm than good.

Catch Me

Who will be there to catch my fall? In a perfect world i would love to say that my Master will always catch me, but in the real world, that doesn't always happen.  Ultimately, it's up to the individual to catch themselves.  Master's are wonderful and of course they try to be there for us as much as possible; however, they are human...they make mistakes...they let us down.  As my Master's slave it's my job to make His life easier and one of the ways that i do that is by being stable myself.
i think that it's dangerous and unstable to rely on a Master as your anchor in this world.  They should be but one of the stone used to build the foundation of your life.  A keystone even, but there should be other things in place to help you maintain emotional and physical stability. i think the best Master's teach their slave's to find the stability within themselves.  Help their slave's find that strength that's within us, foster it, and watch it blossom into the strength to handle the things that life puts before us.

Quiet Grace

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

There is something to be said for the ability to maintain a state of grace in turbulent and trying times. It is something that i try very hard to maintain as i feel that that's my job as my Master's slave. The world is a trying and turbulent place, it's my place to maintain a peaceful atmosphere for my Master to rest and recharge His batteries. One of the ways that i try to do this is to leave petty issues behind me. Holding on to the stress of the day myself will only create an atmosphere of tension which doesn't need to be in the home. The home should be a sanctuary from the pressures and turbulence of the outside world. A place to relax and be one's self.

Fostering a quiet grace is not easy. There are times when one wants to be petty, when things get to you that really shouldnt. Things that you know you should just let go but can't. It's at those times when it's good to reflect on the things to stop and mediate; find that quiet place within yourself.

Just because a Master is suppose to have His emotions under control, doesn't mean that it's something that should be tested. my job is to make things easier for my Master...and that includes not being a drain on His emotional and physical health. i always try to be a blessing and not a burden. And if you are feeling as though you are a burden, look inward and reflect, change how you are so that you can become that blessing in your Master's life.

Confession of a Pain Whimp


Okay okay i admit it. i like the flogger...okay more than like i LOVE it.  Now for those that know me, you all know that i'm a whimp when it comes to the ouchy things but curious as i am...i just had to know what a flogger felt like.  OMG, i think it was love at first swat.  Could this be my inner pain slut emerging through....well, lets not go quite that far yet.  But i could possibly see some more swats in my future.

Is it wrong to want to fall to my knees with the flogger in my hands and beg Master to swat my naked ass and pussy? I think about it often, fantasize day dream.  Wanting to feel that swat against my skin.  It's a new feeling and want...and like a kid that's been shown a cool new toy, i just cant get enough of it.

Who knows maybe a new love of nipple clamps and riding bats are on the horizon.  But for now, there is a definite love of the flogger.

Breaking Away

Sometime i have to remind myself how hard it is for people to breakaway from a bad situation.  So often i have watched people in the middle of a trainwreck and try to council them to save them from their situation.  Yes, i cant help myself, i'm a fixer.  i try to help people, it's in my nature.  Some relationships it's so easy to see that one should get out of, the physically or mentally abusive relationships...those are ones that it's so easy to convince oneself they should move on, and even those relationships are hard to move on from **trust me, i have first hand knowledge on that one**. 

But the most difficult ones are the ones where there is nothing outright wrong...but the situation is just not right.  It's like a frog in water, and the heat keeps getting turned up.  It's trying to help those that are in that type of situation that's just so difficult, and many times i find myself banging my head against that wall.

It's painful to watch someone's life slowly fall apart; watching the person that could be disappear before your eyes, all the while knowing there is nothing you can do about it until they decide that they have had enough.  It's a slow poison that draws their strength and energy.  But at some point even a friend has to make the choice to continue to watch or to remove themselves from the picture until such time as the light bulb finally goes off and they come to you for real help.  Knowing when to step away, and when to step up is tricky, there are some friendships destroyed forever because one has no choice but to walk away from the situation.
There are a million and one excuses for staying in relationships that are in a slow boil.  It's just a rough patch...there has just been so much going; but when we get through it...our relationship will be so much stronger.  All of those can be and are valid reasons; but to be believed, there should be action to back up the hope.  To me, without that, then it's only talk.

Sometimes even friends must breakaway from a situation, and come back when things are done falling to help pick up the pieces.  Friends can only do so much and be there on something for so long before it's apparent that someone isn't ready for the help offered.

Sub vs. Slave

i have seen this question posted in hundreds if not thousands of different places. i used to have a position on it, where a sub retained certain control over her life and a slave didn’t. Simplistic and down and dirty but the basics work. But my definition has changed a bit as i have grown in the lifestyle.

i am a slave, not because of some definition someone made but because that’s what my Master says i am. i have been told by other’s that such and such is not the actions of a slave or that some of my mannerisms where not slave like, and these statements would cause me great distress. But as i have grown in the lifestyle and in my life with my Master i have learned, although occasional setbacks arise that is doesn’t matter what others call me as long as my Master calls me His.

So call me a sub, a slave, even vanilla, it doesn’t really matter. Because the only name that matters is HIS, and as long as i am HIS, i am happy.


I can’t tell you how many times a day I find myself touching my collar. It’s a habit now, good or bad, well…I think it’s a good thing. Whenever I am stressed, I find that I have my hand on my collar. It comforts me and reminds me of Master. And when I think about it, my collar is a lot like Master.  I love to feel its weight upon me; it’s strong and secure; yet flexible as needed. It has its hard places, but it has its soft ones too. I love to feel it wrapped around me, just as I love to be wrapped up in Master. I never really thought about how similar it they were until today, but the more I think about my collar the more I realize how deeply I am His. So for me, my collar is more than a symbol of my submission to my Master, it is a representation of Master Himself. My strength, security, restraint, and my comfort, my Master is all these things and so much more.