Welcome to my sanctuary. This is a place for me to share the ups and downs of my life as a mother, woman, friend, and subbie. To revel in the triumphs and work through the difficult parts, but to always be me...the good...the bad...and the playful.
Okay so i took one of the quizzes on facebook. I couldnt help it. It was which Beatles song are you? well, guess what:
You're "Hey Jude". Your all about making life a bit more brighter, no matter what has happened before. Unfortunately, you're a hopeless romantic, and most of your time is spent getting over loved ones. When your life is a train wreck, your friends cheer you up, help you see the brighter side, and help you to get back on your feet and back into the game. "Hey jude, dont make it bad, take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better."
I have to say, it pretty much nailed it on the head. Well, i wouldnt say i'm a "hopeless romantic" but i dont give up easy on things. And i do believe that one day things will turn around in the right direction. Now, if someone happens to have the damn map to the right direction; i know i could surely use it.
i do happen to be a HUGE Beatles fan and Hey Jude is one of my favorites. So i have to say that i'm most pleased with the result of my quiz.
i think i'm going to be taking a hiatus from posting for awhile. i dont know for how long, just until i feel comfortable doing so. No matter what i do, it always seems to ruffle feathers and really, i know i'm not the root cause, but just someone to blame. However, that doesnt stop me from getting it from both sides. Try to just focus on the happy parts but some dont want to remember.
i'll still be working on making the slave bells. i have new products in and that is going well. You can find them here: Aislinn's Erotic Jewels.
I'll still be on plurk occasionally, An Owned Life mostly just hanging out and chatting with a few on the chat bar, and i'll be on facebook from time to time.
This is a new day, one that I have never lived before. I stay in the Now and enjoy each and every moment. ~Louise L. Hay
The past is something that can’t be changed. Regrets, hurts, pains, and wrongs done are things that can’t be fixed. Dwelling on those things can affect your present and your future. The past is over, every day is a new day to grow, change and blossom into the better person that one is destined to be.
The present is the only thing that we have any control over. The things that we do from second to second, that writes the story of our lives. One can stay focused on the past; however, they lose sight of all that’s in the present. Each day holds a beauty that will never be again. It exists but at that one moment. The breeze, smell, and energy of life flows forward, and so must we.
No one knows that the future may hold, not the next year, month, week, day or even minute. The only thing that’s known is NOW. Right here, right now…that is what’s real. The past is gone; the future has yet to happen. Now is the time to learn, grow, and experience all the things that life has to offer.
Life’s energy is in the NOW. Have you embraced that energy today? Have you utilized it to improve the life that you now live? There is no change in the past, and it’s only in the NOW that we can build ourselves up for the destiny that we were meant for.
It’s been an interesting few days to say the least, a lot that is not good, but thankfully there are bright sides so I’ll focus on those. I’m still moving forward in my life. But a few road blocks have been it, but that’s life…go around or break them down and move on. I think that’s what I’ve focused on now. Putting one foot in front of the other, but cant help but wonder if something permanent transpired or just another temporary setback. Okay enough of the negative, it’s past actions and I cant do anything about them, but learn and move forward.
On the positives, well, I went back to focusing on the things that I need to do, and so I started making more slave bells again. And low and behold, but I sold 2 of them in one day. It was wonderful to wake up that morning to see that one was sold, it was an emotional boost that I needed. Then later the same day I finished and posted another anklet and it wasn’t up more than 15 mins before it was sold. I was shocked and amazed as well as extremely greatful.
I have started working with wire work on the anklets, it takes a LOT longer to make one but I like the end result. It’s like nothing I have seen in dancing/slave bells and it looks very delicate. Over all I’m very pleased with them, although I’m probably not charging enough for the amount of time it takes to make them. But such is life.
The other positive I have going on is that I have my body in a state of ketosis. I monitor it closely as to not let my ketones get too high, but it means that my body is burning fat…YIPEE!! I have been steadily losing weight now for about 2 weeks and I’m very excited. I need to continue this and stick with it. I know it will work. I just need to maintain focus and determination. I CAN do this, and I will.
All in all I’m surviving at this point and trying to avoid any emotional triggers. I had one breakdown earlier this week and I don’t want another. The only way to change perception is to change myself…transform it and make it new.
Working on taking an honest look at things, and one of those is how people view me. I am amazed at the spectrum of opinions there are and it got me to wondering why. Is it solely their perceptions from past experiences with others, is it truly me, is it their choice to see the negative, or do those bringing out the negativity within me? And then I also look at the amount of time that I spend interacting with these individuals, and how often they have been positive uplifting experience and how many have been challenging. Do they take the time to truly get to know me…in an open and honest manner, or always waiting for me to make a mistake?
I was joking around with one of my friends a few weeks ago, when out of the blue she said “you’re such a cutie” and I sort of flippantly answered “yeah, I know.” She then replied with “But then so are you, sweetie! i think youre one of the most real people in the room, because you dont put on a front, pretend to be anything you arent, & youre always so honest & yet polite & kind. But you dont lay back & let anyone walk on you either. You just pick your battles wisely & calmly. you are always a real lady with dignity & humor & clarity You rarely get sucked into a mindless conflict.” I was floored. I had known her for a long time. I was amazed at the impression I had made on her. It really does wrap up the person that I strive to be. I have others that say I’m sweet, kind, and giving. And lol, not all of them are just online, but others that I know real time as well.
I have also been called selfish, hurtful, unkind, and jealous. These are things that I don’t strive to be. So why is it that some see this side of me? They are not characteristics that I try to cultivate. Is it the time they have spent getting to know me, is it too little or too much? Have they truly tried to find and see who I am, inside and out? Have they truly tried to get to know me, or just watch for me to be those things because they expect them?
Honestly, the truth is most likely in the middle. I can be hotheaded and I can easily be hurt. I lash out from time to time, and say things that I shouldn’t. But I also give my heart to most anyone I see in pain. I want to comfort them and support them.
Fortunately or unfortunately, I am all those characteristics. I can only hope and pray that my good side may shine brighter than my dark. And hope that one day, those that don’t see the good parts of me, may one day be able to see it.
Perception is a funny thing, it can work for you or it can work against. It’s all in how you choose to look at things. I’ve been stung by my own perception more times than I would care to count. But each time reminds me that I need to change my outlook. No one is responsible for how I perceive things but me. If I choose to see something negative then that’s my choice to do so. However, I can also choose to see the positive in things as well.
There are times when it’s difficult to see things positively. There are so many ways to take things negatively, but the odd thing is that there is just as many positive ways to look at things as well. I find that when I find myself looking at something negatively that I need to take a step back and try to see if from a different angle. Sometimes it takes longer to get into a positive mindset about a situation, but it is possible.
It’s a struggle to change your perception on things. Sometimes even a minute to minute battle. But with the will and desire to change that perception, it is possible.
I did not have a good day the other day. I was emotional before I even woke all the way up. *never a good sign* It’s actually why I got out of bed in the first place, to start doing things to get distract myself from the thoughts in my head. My day just continued to get worse. And at one point I even had a mini-break down. It was at that time I took a step back. I took a step back and surrounded myself with people I knew would be able to support me. And they did, I have the most awesome friends ever, and I love you all.
I wrote…trying to remind myself of the specialness that I have within me and that I can handle and surpass whatever is thrown at me. It helped but not by a lot. I wasn’t in a place to deal with much, everything seemed to be coming at me. Unfiltered emotions running rampant. And so I took that step back from areas that I knew would only trigger things further. I needed to, I had to, or I would have gone nuts. I knew I was taking things harder than I should be, and that I would be better the next day. Recover and adapt seems to be my way. I just needed some time to do that…and I took it.
I did a bit of evaluating on a few areas of my life. I am still not sure if I found all the answers, but life is not about finding the answers but looking at the questions. What is life without passion? I’m not sure I ever really want to find out. I am passionate about many things, and the life that I want to lead is one of them. I have high ideals for things, that sometimes go against the goals of another. I get frustrated, I speak out…it’s hard not to when it’s something that you care about. So, there is another thing I need to step back from and let things develop as they may. However, the step back does not mean gone, just letting go of certain things. I put myself out there too much right now, in a time that I should be taking for myself. To rebuild a life is not an easy task, and sometimes it’s easier to just do something else for someone else. It’s always easier to help someone else than it is to help myself sometimes. Okay, most of the time. I can forget my own hurts and pains and engross myself in the needs of someone else. Helping them, listening to them, and trying to guide them, it puts my mind at ease, but doesn’t take care of me. I have no idea why I’m so much better at guiding someone else than I am at guiding myself, but it’s true.
Until I was in a better space in my head, I closed off a few areas in my life, the messenger being one of them. There were just a few on there that are emotional black holes and I was dealing with an energy hole within myself. I hate that feeling…that emptiness that seems to suck the life out of everything and yet never gets full. I like to give positive energy out…I’m at peace being able to lift people up and bring some light to their day. The dark days are very difficult for me to deal with, I’m learning slowly ways to work with them as no one can be happy and chipper 24/7, but it’s a touch and go thing sometimes.
I want to take a moment to thank my friends who supported me when I was down. I appreciate it very much. You held me up, instead of just saying I was feeling sorry for myself…when I’m spinning that only seems to make things worse. You helped me work through the thoughts in my head by reminding me of all the good things that I do and am. Sometimes you need to be reminded that you do have a purpose and that you do have value.
Okay I’m going to stop writing before this turns into a novel. I wish everyone a wonderful day.
I am truly blessed by the friends that I have that include me in their lives. They amaze me every day. I am humbled by the things that they do to include and welcome me into their lives. They have accepted me just as I am. No restrictions or reservations, they accept all of me.
This week the littles were gone with the grandparents, and so I had free time. I am so grateful and humbled by my friends that made sure that I was able to take full advantage of the time. Events included an unscheduled coffee with everyone that I care so much for, an overnight kidnapping and trip to the nudie beach, some playtime with a good friend full of fun and laughter…and some really hard swats occasionally, topping it all off was the trip to the Shed. I had such a wonderful and full week and I am blessed by having people that wish and make an effort to include me in their lives. It truly means the world to me.
Being at the Shed is such a wonderful experience. It’s a place full of life and energy. Open and welcoming it’s a place where I am free to be who I am. i am honored to have been accepted by the people and staff there, it fills my heart with a joy that borders on overwhelming. The energy there is just amazing, I love receiving it as well as giving my own. I can’t express how honored I am by those that have taken their time to get to know me and play with me. You will always have a special place in my heart. There are just places and times in one’s life that one can think on and your heart just soars at the thought…they have given me that memory and place and I am eternally grateful. I only wish I was able to visit more often as with every experience I grow and open up more.
I am surrounded by the most wonderful people, and I am blessed to be a part of your lives. THANK YOU!
Okay on a totally random and fun note….SUPSENSION ROCKS!!! It’s the most amazing thing. It made me feel so tiny and it was the most exhilarating experience. *Still say we need to paint designs of the floor* I never understood the draw to being suspended, although I love been tied up, but after…I am a new addict.
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