I Am At Peace

Divine peace and harmony dwell in me. I feel tolerance, compassion, and love for all people myself included.

One of the things that I’ve realized over the last few days is that I really am at peace with where I’m at and what I’m doing.  A flow and rhythm has grown into my life and it pulses with positive energy.  I still stumble on letting go of negative things and influences; however, I gotten a little be better at that.  Releasing friendships that just were not positive and not indulging people in their fantasies.  That was hard as I truly do like to help people, but you can only help those that want to help themselves and if they are still unwilling to let go of their delusions it’s best to just let them go.

I had a situation earlier in the week where I had learned a few things, and there was that “I told you so” part of me that wanted to throw it all out in the open.  However as I looked closer at the situation, I saw that doing so would not be an “I told you so moment” but something that would utterly erode the foundation upon this person had built their world around.  Now, I’m all for showing someone reality, but utterly destroying something that they felt was solid is not something that I want to do, especially, if they are not equipped to face reality.  I made the choice to not divulge things, but to let that friendship go.  While I can’t continue to support them in that illusion, I don’t need to hurt them either.  It was a tough call, not so much the “I told you so part” really that was childish…but, watching someone fall for things they feel are real is tough.

I think it was the peace in my own life that made it easier to just let it go.  If someone is not ready to face the realities of the world, they just aren’t ready.  Because watching it is frustrating for me, I’ve taken the backseat in a lot of things lately.  I’ve let go of a few friendships, not so much because I didn’t like them, but because they raised reactions in me that were not positive.  *One was constantly being harsh on the help and assistance that battered women get as opposed to battered men…the anger and bitter way that things were expressed, just raised my hackles up.  It was another instance where for the peace in my life, it was a friendship that I let go of, not because of the value of the person. He is a very good person, just not the kind of friendship that I need.

After eliminating some of the things that just blocked me, both mentally, emotionally and even physically this peace has filled my life and soul.  Being at peace, takes work as all good things do; however, once you have found those keys to your own peace…you will be able to look around and say…WOW, my life is SO wonderful and I am truly blessed to be living it.

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Unique Gifts

 

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Unique Gifts

Live in the NOW!

This is a new day, one that I have never lived before. I stay in the Now and enjoy each and every moment. ~Louise L. Hay

The past is something that can’t be changed.  Regrets, hurts, pains, and wrongs done are things that can’t be fixed.  Dwelling on those things can affect your present and your future.  The past is over, every day is a new day to grow, change and blossom into the better person that one is destined to be.

The present is the only thing that we have any control over.  The things that we do from second to second, that writes the story of our lives.  One can stay focused on the past; however, they lose sight of all that’s in the present.  Each day holds a beauty that will never be again.  It exists but at that one moment.  The breeze, smell, and energy of life flows forward, and so must we. 

No one knows that the future may hold, not the next year, month, week, day or even minute.  The only thing that’s known is NOW.  Right here, right now…that is what’s real.  The past is gone; the future has yet to happen.  Now is the time to learn, grow, and experience all the things that life has to offer. 

Life’s energy is in the NOW.  Have you embraced that energy today?  Have you utilized it to improve the life that you now live?  There is no change in the past, and it’s only in the NOW that we can build ourselves up for the destiny that we were meant for.

Perception

Perception is a funny thing, it can work for you or it can work against.  It’s all in how you choose to look at things.  I’ve been stung by my own perception more times than I would care to count.  But each time reminds me that I need to change my outlook.  No one is responsible for how I perceive things but me.  If I choose to see something negative then that’s my choice to do so.  However, I can also choose to see the positive in things as well.

There are times when it’s difficult to see things positively.  There are so many ways to take things negatively, but the odd thing is that there is just as many positive ways to look at things as well.  I find that when I find myself looking at something negatively that I need to take a step back and try to see if from a different angle.  Sometimes it takes longer to get into a positive mindset about a situation, but it is possible.

It’s a struggle to change your perception on things.   Sometimes even a minute to minute battle.  But with the will and desire to change that perception, it is possible.

I Will Not Fear The Darkness

I am more than the darkness that surrounds me, for I carry a light within.

The light pierces the darkness like a beacon searching

My laughter will echo through the abyss making that light only brighter.

It lights my way back to the sun, to the cleansing rain, and the energizing wind.

I will walk with unfettered steps towards the world in light.

I shall not languish in darkness, for I am too bright.

My light will not be extinguished, for it serves many

Sometimes only in the abyss to we remember how bright our light can shine.

I will not fear the darkness, for it holds no power.

I will shine on

I will persevere

I am heart and soul

I am love and light

These things are me, they are who I am.

You All Amaze Me

I am truly blessed by the friends that I have that include me in their lives.  They amaze me every day.  I am humbled by the things that they do to include and welcome me into their lives.  They have accepted me just as I am.  No restrictions or reservations, they accept all of me. 

This week the littles were gone with the grandparents, and so I had free time.  I am so grateful and humbled by my friends that made sure that I was able to take full advantage of the time.  Events included an unscheduled coffee with everyone that I care so much for, an overnight kidnapping and trip to the nudie beach, some playtime with a good friend full of fun and laughter…and some really hard swats occasionally, topping it all off was the trip to the Shed.  I had such a wonderful and full week and I am blessed by having people that wish and make an effort to include me in their lives.  It truly means the world to me.

Being at the Shed is such a wonderful experience.  It’s a place full of life and energy.  Open and welcoming it’s a place where I am free to be who I am.  i am honored to have been accepted by the people and staff there, it fills my heart with a joy that borders on overwhelming.  The energy there is just amazing, I love receiving it as well as giving my own.  I can’t express how honored I am by those that have taken their time to get to know me and play with me.  You will always have a special place in my heart.  There are just places and times in one’s life that one can think on and your heart just soars at the thought…they have given me that memory and place and I am eternally grateful.  I only wish I was able to visit more often as with every experience I grow and open up more.

I am surrounded by the most wonderful people, and I am blessed to be a part of your lives.  THANK YOU!

Okay on a totally random and fun note….SUPSENSION ROCKS!!!  It’s the most amazing thing.  It made me feel so tiny and it was the most exhilarating experience.  *Still say we need to paint designs of the floor*  I never understood the draw to being suspended, although I love been tied up, but after…I am a new addict.

I Am Safe in the Universe, and ALL Life Loves and Supports Me

I breathe in the fullness and richness of Life. I observe with joy as Life abundantly supports me and supplies me with more good than I can imagine. ~Louise L. Hay

Today was one of those days where I could feel the abundance of life around me.  The positive energy was infectious.  I could feel the world bringing me everything that I needed.  And wow, did I need energy!  I am back to doing my walks which I enjoy greatly.  They bring me in tune with myself and the world around me.  Oddly, it’s my quiet time.  It’s the time that I take for myself to re-center and get in touch with the world around me.

I need that time to sort out things.  It’s this time that I use to gather up the strength to get myself through the day.  Sometimes, one of my kids walks with me.  When it’s my oldest we talk of issues he may be having at school and how to be a better citizen and person.  The differences between good friends and bad, and other life lessons.  He makes me so proud.  When it’s the youngest well, I just cant help but laugh at his antics.  He is a force unto himself and thank god there is only one of him in the world.  But He amazes me everyday.

It’s on these walks that I see just how blessed my life really is.  I have all that I need and there is a richness that surrounds me.  I have the love of friends and family *granted my family is just my boys*, but I couldn’t ask for a better one.  I still long for someone to share parts of my life with, but it’s a true sharing of life that I want.  To be a part of their life as they are a part of mine.  I don’t do exclusion well.  Actually, it’s very detrimental to me…I am sure it comes from my past and how I was raised, as I was always separated from the family in one fashion or another.  I got to watch while others lived and it kills me to do that anymore. 

I know there is greatness within me, still waiting for the right person to help work with me to direct it.  One day that will happen, but until then I shall enjoy every moment that life brings me.

Steps to Happiness

Steps to Happiness

You can’t be all things to all people.

You can’t do all things at once.

You can’t do all things equally well.

You can’t do all things better than everyone else.

Your humanity is showing just like everyone else’s

So:

You have to find out who you are, and be that.

You have to decide what comes first, and do that.

You have to discover your strengths, and use them.

You have to learn not to compete with others,

Because no one else is in the contest of “being you”.

Then:

You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.

You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions.

You will have learned to live with your limitations.

You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due.

And you’ll be a most vital mortal.

Dare to Believe:

That you are a wonderful, unique person.

That you are a one-in-all-history event.

That it’s more than a right, it’s your duty, to be who you are.

That life’s not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish.

And you’ll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down.

I Experience Love Whereever I Go

Love is everywhere, and I am loving and lovable.  Loving people fill my life, and I find myself easily expressing love to other. ~Louise L. Hay

Well, anyone that truly knows me knows that I love people.  I cant help but love people.  It’s in my nature to be open to the love that surrounds me.  I’m not afraid to love.  I do it easily.  I’m afraid not to love, because without love…what are you?  It’s love that makes us compassionate, empathic, and it’s love that’s a driving force in our character.

I had always thought that everyone was like me. But I have found that is not the case.  There are people who have forgotten how to love or they are so guarded they are unable to let themselves be loved or give love in return.  To be honest, it’s something that I don’t understand.  Similar, to how I was not able to understand spanking, paddling, whippings and the like until it was something I experienced.  I’ll admit that cutting myself off from love is not something I want to do.  It’s something that I don’t think will make me a better person.  One of the biggest things that makes me me..is my ablitity to love people.  I like that about myself, even when it means that I get hurt and hurt often…I wouldn’t trade it for not being able to see the love and feel the love for people that I do.

There are people who are scared by me and my ability to love.  Another thing I sort of understand.  It can be unnerving when dealing with one such as myself.  Worried that I will feel more for them than I will, or that I want more from them because they feel that I’m “in” love…and not just love them as the person they are.  Admittedly, love is a confusing emotion, but in my case it’s part of my being.  I have to love people.  I like being close to them.  There are few things that are more thrilling to me than to have a group of friends together where I can freely express the love that I have for the people there, be it with hugs and kisses or something just a tad bit more.  Okay, really, gotta admit, I love to flirt to.  But, it’s this capacity to love that is something that I cherish about myself. 

Do I get hurt more often because of this characteristic? Yes, I do.  But I would rather get hurt than never know the thrilling heights that one can reach when they open themselves up to the love of the universe.  The energy and the power is awe inspiring.

Careful How You View Others

Persistently viewing others as dishonest, lazy, sinful, and ignorant can be a way of compensating for something you fear.  If there’s a pattern of seeing others as failures, you need to notice this pattern as evidence of what you’re attracting into your life. ~Dr. Dwayne Dyer

It truly amazes me how often people will look for the bad in others rather than the good.  I have watched as someone has looked for and found every perceivable flaw.  The end result only bringing drama and trials to their life when it wasn’t necessary.  And I’ve noticed that the patterns do in fact model their lives as well.  The exact same thing that they point out in others…is something that they themselves DO.

I think of all the wasted energy and it almost makes me want to pull all my hair out.  I know how much better and less stressful it is…to not always look for the bad in people.  Is this naïve? Maybe, maybe not, but it also puts me in tune with life.  I don’t have the barriers to experience the good things in life…unfortunately; I don’t have the barriers to keep out the bad either.  But the good outweighs the bad, and I’ve noticed that having those barriers up only increases the negative experiences.

Watch how you view people, if you are consistently viewing people in a negative light, you could be bringing more heartache and stress into your life than necessary.  Lighten up…live…laugh…love.  Life is meant to be lived with a full heart.  Not shrouded in the negativity of fear.

I Love and Approve of Myself

I appreciate all that I do. I am good enough just as I am. I speak up for myself.  I ask for what I want. I claim my power. ~Louise L. Hay

I have had a hard time speaking up for myself with those that are closest to me.  I am working on changing that…learning to find my voice and ability to express those things.  It hasn’t been an easy thing to learn.  It’s something that I have to work on every day. 

It was hard to find that I am good enough as I am…but if I take a step back from myself I find that...i am good enough as I am.  Not that I cant improve things…because I can.  However, I am a good and wonderful person.  I work hard for my family and friends.  I try to bring joy into the lives of those I know.

I’m still not the best at asking for what I want…hell, I can still barely ask for what I need. But I’m slowly getting a better understanding of just what that is. With this better understanding of what my needs are I can best tell others what my needs and wants really are.  Hopefully, in the future it will help me develop a stable and long lasting relationship.

One Step Closer To Living

I am so very fortunate and grateful for the friends that I have.  You are all truly the blessings in my life.  So many of you have been holding my hand lately and helping me walk the path that I’m on.  Every day, I’m learning and growing thanks to you.  I’m stronger each day that I awaken because of the strength that you give me.  You believe in me when I’m not sure I believe in myself, you push when I need to be pushed and hug when I need a hug.  You encourage me in so many ways I can only hope that one day I will be able to help you as much as you have helped me.

The Jewels site is doing well.  It’s slowed down from that frantic pace that was the beginning and now I think it’s growing slowly yet steadily.  Thanks to the support of friends…there’s now a banner for it as well as links that are slowly spreading across the web.

On the personal front, there have been steps away and steps closer.  It’s terrifying to open myself up again but life goes on.  I can only hope that I have learned from the past enough that the same mistakes won’t be mad this time.  I am welcoming the peace that’s come into my life.  And I can see the chaos that still reigns in the one I left.  I’m so very thankful that I have distanced myself from that.  Some things never do change and separating yourself from it is the only thing that you can do.  It’s hard as part of me wants to be so close but I know the pain that lies there.  And now, someone is helping me move past that as well.  But it’s still hard…every day is hard.  Emotions don’t just turn off; the desire to serve doesn’t just turn off…I CANT change who I am at the core of my being.

Personal Connections Make The Difference

I think I have finally figured out what has made this work so well. It’s my personal relationship with people that’s made all the difference.  So many times I’ve tried to stress the importance of making those personal connections and the importance that they have.  This is really such a close community that making those connections in imperative to any successful endeavor.

There is a reason I keep thanking everyone so much.  Because I KNOW that without you I would be just spinning my wheels.  But instead I feel as though I have an army of supporters, backing me and cheering me on.  Not only have some actually stepped up and purchased something, but they are also spreading the word about the bells.  For that, I can never thank you enough.

The response has been so overwhelming in fact that I’m really hoping that paypal gets me that check quickly or I’m going to have to go on back orders as I don’t have enough money to send out anymore.  How is that for selling out.  It’s truly amazing.  I can’t wait to see what the next few months hold.

I truly feel blessed in all that I am doing right now.  May blessing shine upon you all as well.

And Everything Is Just Falling Into Place

I am continually amazed at the way my life has changed around so drastically in such a short amount of time.  I’ve taken drastic steps to make improvements and for some reason most all of them seem to be working..okay, maybe not the health part…me and this damn cough.  The bells are doing wonderfully, much better than I ever expected.  And I think the fact that there are sales from people that I don’t even know is an extremely good sign.

I have other ideas to expand on my endeavors.  I prototyped a nipple clamp string of bells last night.  I need to do a tad more research on supplies but I think it would work well.  And wow, are they noisy; perfect really for those that like walking around nakie.  It’s a wonderful adornment.  I’m also thinking of some other clamp jewelry that would be cute and functional.  Mostly ideas for now, and slowly getting it to where I can start selling things.  I don’t want to jump in too fast and then be back ordered cause I have to wait for supplies.

On the personal front, well, it’s the same ole same ole.  I am still seeing a lot of things that I don’t like and I’m still doing things that I should really stop doing.  There was a time when I may not have been able to count on someone being there for me, but when they said they were going to do something or be somewhere they always were.  Now, most of the time, it’s not true anymore and it’s frustrating.  And even more frustrating because I know how much they hate when people flake on them.  It’s starting to make me wonder just what the hell am I doing.  But one of these days, the personal life will get straightened out just a little.  Right now, there are so many other positive things that are almost literally falling in my lap, that I’m going to enjoy them…and what will be will.

Maybe it’s time I stop trying to ‘fix’ the personal part and let it come to pass.  Someone else’s turn to do the work if they want…and if they don’t want, well that’s okay too.

I Am Truly Blessed

I am truly blessed to be surrounded by such supportive friends.  All of you amaze me every day, thank you for being so wonderful.  I was so nervous starting the slave bell project, but I have gotten so much support it’s almost overwhelming.  I am truly grateful for all of your support.  Having worked on a bazillion projects, I know how hard it is to get them off the ground…and so far the bells have made and explosion. 

My life and outlook has changed so much over the last month and a half.  I have friends that say that they are inspired by me, which I find extremely humbling.  They admire my courage with going out and doing the bells…and have asked how I did it.  They have tried things so often and have failed.  I told them, that I’ve had so many projects fail that they are too numerous to mention, but I keep on trying.  I don’t give up easily.  I like to take action and forge ahead.  Really, I have no choice…it’s do or die and I’ve never really ever been one to NOT take action.  If I see a problem, I want to fix it.  I want to take action to fix it.  **this caused me nothing but anguish as a slave though**

I love life.  I love to laugh and play.  *popcorn fights and all*  I love to be with people. I love people.  I love to snuggle and flop on people.  I’m a very loving person and very open.  I love having people come to my house for coffee, dinner, watching a movie and everyone just piled on the couch together.  I love a good debate.  Basically, I just love life and I love LIVING it.  I’m really not much of a sidelines person, although I don’t mind being in the background as long as I’m involved WITH people.  I don’t do well alone.  I know that.  I do best surrounded by supportive people.  They bring out the best in me, as I want to make them happy.  I want them to be proud of me, and I always do my best to do that.

I wouldn’t be where I am now, without YOU though, and I thank you so much for being who you are…my friends, thank you for accepting this silly girl into your lives.

Big Steps Forward

Wow, things are moving forward.  I made a big and yet very frightening step today.  I put the slave bells up for sale.  I am extremely nervous about it.  I have had so many ideas on doing things and SO many have been utter failures.  But, I only takes one thing to start things moving and hopefully this is it.  This is the year that I change my life.  On one hand I’m so open to the possibilities right now, but on another I think it will be the end of something else.  So many have been truly supportive, asking questions, encouraging me to do this, and telling me how well I progressed in my skill.  I cant ever thank you all enough.

Well, you can imagine my surprise when I have already gotten notices that I have sold some anklets.  I was shocked and so absolutely giddy.  I almost can’t believe it.  I know this is the turnaround in my life that I was hoping for…I can and do serve a purpose.  I do love and want to live the lifestyle.  Maybe not everyone’s idea of it, but what works for me and what works for those I’m with.  I am happy doing my “thing” and then playing with others.  Would I have rather done this with someone…well, yes, but just because I wanted it to be this way with them, doesn’t mean they wanted it to be that way.  So I’m forging my own path.  I am getting to know real lifestyle people, and be as active as I can in the community here.

I know at some point I’ll be able to find the relationship that works for me.  i could never go back to vanilla, it’s not even an option for me…hell, I can barely last vanilla between playdates.  That said, I still long for more than just playmates in my life.  I’m not ready for more…I know that.  I don’t want to get into a relationship while I feel that I’m vulnerable to pretty words and a sharp flogger, whip, cane, and all sorts of other things that’s on the list to experience.  I want to make sure that I’m on solid ground before moving forward in that way.

Okay, healthwise, I haven’t been doing so hot.  I have the cough from hell it’s made my workouts suffer unfortunately.  However, as soon as this damn cough is gone, you can bet your ass, I’m back at it.