I think it’s my power to love that is what makes me who I am. I have a tremendous heart and care for and about most everyone. I am extremely compassionate as well as loving. I am a huggle snuggle people person. I put up very few boundaries between me and the outside world. I think it’s my greatest gift as well as my greatest drawback.
I want to help just about everyone…and wow, has that lead to more problems in my life than I want to even begin to explain. I want to help even when I know the outcome won’t be good. I can’t tell you how many times I have regretted the fact that I actually tried to help someone and I wish I could say that it happened less than the times that I was so proud to have helped someone but I can’t. More often than not my generous nature has bit me in the ass.
But there are the shining moments when I’m so glad that I was able to touch someone’s life. Some of them happened in direct ways and I knew what I was doing at the time. Taking someone into my home and heart until such time as they were ready to leave, helping a friend out of an abusive situation, those are the moments that shine in my memory. Being the friend that moved halfway across the country..just so the other friend wouldn’t be alone *and I could*.
Some of these people have touched my life in ways that they will never know the true depth of, and some I wish I still had in my life now. I have always had people coming in and out of my life, some fill my heart with joy while other heartbreak. But no matter how many times my heart gets broken…I can’t stop it from reaching out to others. It’s what makes me me.
Even though, it hurts to have it broken, and I’ve had it broken by everyone that’s ever been important to me. It heals and my heart does love again. I can’t close it off, to do so would deny who I am and what makes me me. Just as my submissive nature is who I am; so is my need and power to love. To accept people into my life and into my heart…wholeheartedly…completely and lovingly…that is one of the greatest gifts I possess.