Okay, not sure what my problem is, but for some reason I keep putting off starting to write stories. I don’t get it. I love writing and it’s sort of frustrating that every time I think I should start writing I choose to do something else. Is it something important?? NO, because that would be too easy. So just why am I being so hesitant?
Well, I think the biggest part is fear. What if I put together this whole project and no one likes it? To put your creative endeavors out there is risky and scary. You open yourself up to criticism and judgment. You also open yourself up to failure.
I think part of it is that I’ve just now started rebuilding my self-esteem and I’m not sure I could handle the blow or the stress. Part of me really wants to go through with it. I have learned how to make and market eBooks, hell, I even know where to go so that I could have it made in a soft cover. But I’m scared that it will be a failure, but oddly, I’m afraid of it being successful just as equally.
How do I handle that? I know that success shouldn’t be a scary as failing but it is. I know some of the people around me would be very happy at my success, but just as many will be upset by it. And then there is the, why did I not do this sooner? And of course if the first venture is successful…can I duplicate it.
So many thoughts and ideas on it, but none of it matters unless I actually sit down and start writing. I need to get into the world that I want to create and start creating it…the sights, smells, and feel of the place. I need to lose myself there and write it. I like being very visual and textural in my writing. I love taking myself and people to the scene. But I also know that I’m very much an amateur writer. Even though I have taken plenty of writing courses and have had numerous compliments on my writing. It’s still not at a high level. Not where I would like it to be. And well, I can’t write dialog worth shit. And I fear that for now, so much of my work is one dimensional because of it. Well, I guess the only way for me to develop it, is to just start doing it.
Okay, can ya tell I’m stalling yet??