my Sanctuary


Welcome to my sanctuary. This is a place for me to share the ups and downs of my life as a mother, woman, friend, and subbie. To revel in the triumphs and work through the difficult parts, but to always be me...the good...the bad...and the playful.


What happens when trust is gone?  For some, it's simply time to move on and life well, just goes on.  For others, it's a whole new ballgame.  This lifestyle requires that one have the trust of a child...the trust that children have when they are young with their parents...knowing without a doubt that they are cared for, protected, and safe both mentally and physically.  It's hard to open oneself up that much as an adult...very hard to be that open and that exposed to harm.  But it can be done, and unfortunately, just as a child can be damaged by that break in trust, so can adults.

i'm currently at war within myself, and may very well be for the rest of my life.  The life that calls to me with every fiber of my being is one that requires that i trust the one i'm with...with every fiber of my being; and i just dont know if i can do that again.  It's also frustrating knowing that i could never do a vanilla relationship and be satisfied....and still know that any lifestyle relationship is going to require that trust will require me to trust enough to give up that control...and trust someone.  Can you be hurt too much that you just cant trust anyone? Can you really become damaged goods? 

i'm starting to think that maybe i'm too damaged for either life.  There are some pieces i can put back together...but some i dont think i will be able to.

Well, this was a tad more melancholy that i would like, but it cant all be sunshine and roses.

To post a comment you have to hit tab to get the captcha thing...dont know why that's just the way it is.


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