my Sanctuary


Welcome to my sanctuary. This is a place for me to share the ups and downs of my life as a mother, woman, friend, and subbie. To revel in the triumphs and work through the difficult parts, but to always be me...the good...the bad...and the playful.

Well Loved

I still remember the day i competed the copper byzantine chainmaille necklace to go with this celtic knot pendant.  I bought the pendant last year just as my business was starting to grow and move.  It's one of the first things i had bought just for ME, in a very long time.  I bought it from a good friend whom i adored.  Truthfully, i had drooled over her creations for months and i was honored to call her a friend. Being able to purchase something so beautiful from such a good friend really lifted my spirits.

i wore this necklace pendant combo everyday. Always reaching for the pendant when i was stressed or troubled.  It became a night ritual to take the polishing cloth and reshine up the copper.  An almost mediative action, slowly rubbing away the daily tarnish.  It was not lost on me how much the action of cleaning it reflected the cleansing i was going through internally as well.

The pendant became my own little worry stone.  I can't even begin to tell you how calming going over the knot with the pad of my fingertips was, over and over i would circle the design.  The knot helped me get through many days and many risks i was taking in life. *not the life or death risks* But the do i jump in and go for things i never thought possible, or do i stay where i am in relative safety.  Well, i did a LOT of jumping this year and somehow i've managed to make it through okay.  My pendant...well, it's well LOVED!

I look at the pendant now and i see all the love that i have for it. All that it's gotten me through, the sleepless nights, the tears, fears, and frustrations.  The pendant now has a place on my 'treasure' shelf.  Mostly to keep it safe from me and my compulsion for grabbing and rubbing it.

Some may find it odd for such a little thing to mean so much, but it does.  Things have changed SO much since i first got this little pendant.  My business has grown and i even have MANY other pieces of jewelry made by her, and while i LOVE them all.  This little pendant will always be WELL LOVED.

Thank you valerie for making something of such beauty and meaning.

I Am At Peace

Divine peace and harmony dwell in me. I feel tolerance, compassion, and love for all people myself included.

One of the things that I’ve realized over the last few days is that I really am at peace with where I’m at and what I’m doing.  A flow and rhythm has grown into my life and it pulses with positive energy.  I still stumble on letting go of negative things and influences; however, I gotten a little be better at that.  Releasing friendships that just were not positive and not indulging people in their fantasies.  That was hard as I truly do like to help people, but you can only help those that want to help themselves and if they are still unwilling to let go of their delusions it’s best to just let them go.

I had a situation earlier in the week where I had learned a few things, and there was that “I told you so” part of me that wanted to throw it all out in the open.  However as I looked closer at the situation, I saw that doing so would not be an “I told you so moment” but something that would utterly erode the foundation upon this person had built their world around.  Now, I’m all for showing someone reality, but utterly destroying something that they felt was solid is not something that I want to do, especially, if they are not equipped to face reality.  I made the choice to not divulge things, but to let that friendship go.  While I can’t continue to support them in that illusion, I don’t need to hurt them either.  It was a tough call, not so much the “I told you so part” really that was childish…but, watching someone fall for things they feel are real is tough.

I think it was the peace in my own life that made it easier to just let it go.  If someone is not ready to face the realities of the world, they just aren’t ready.  Because watching it is frustrating for me, I’ve taken the backseat in a lot of things lately.  I’ve let go of a few friendships, not so much because I didn’t like them, but because they raised reactions in me that were not positive.  *One was constantly being harsh on the help and assistance that battered women get as opposed to battered men…the anger and bitter way that things were expressed, just raised my hackles up.  It was another instance where for the peace in my life, it was a friendship that I let go of, not because of the value of the person. He is a very good person, just not the kind of friendship that I need.

After eliminating some of the things that just blocked me, both mentally, emotionally and even physically this peace has filled my life and soul.  Being at peace, takes work as all good things do; however, once you have found those keys to your own peace…you will be able to look around and say…WOW, my life is SO wonderful and I am truly blessed to be living it.


My Life Works Beautifully

Everything in my Life works, now and forevermore.

So often i watch the piece of my life scatter and then come back together and every time i'm amazed at watching life work. HOW does it do that? Fear, pain, heartache...all mix and i feel as though my life is a total shambles and then a spark a light, and i see it all spin together and back into the light. This brilliant mix of joy flows from the center and yet, i'm not quite sure how it got there.

Life is such an interesting thing to sit and watch the simplest of things turn into some of the most powerful forces the Earth creates. The tapestries of life are amazing to behold and a wonder to witness.

I always call my life joyful kids just laugh and say it's all random, yet somehow it all comes together. Laughter fills my home *usually at my expense* and it's those quiet moments that everything slows, and i see the wonder that my life has become.

Hey Jude

Okay so i took one of the quizzes on facebook.  I couldnt help it.  It was which Beatles song are you? well, guess what:

You're "Hey Jude". Your all about making life a bit more brighter, no matter what has happened before. Unfortunately, you're a hopeless romantic, and most of your time is spent getting over loved ones. When your life is a train wreck, your friends cheer you up, help you see the brighter side, and help you to get back on your feet and back into the game. "Hey jude, dont make it bad, take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better."

I have to say, it pretty much nailed it on the head.  Well, i wouldnt say i'm a "hopeless romantic" but i dont give up easy on things.  And i do believe that one day things will turn around in the right direction.  Now, if someone happens to have the damn map to the right direction; i know i could surely use it.

i do happen to be a HUGE Beatles fan and Hey Jude is one of my favorites. So i have to say that i'm most pleased with the result of my quiz.


Taking a Break

i think i'm going to be taking a hiatus from posting for awhile.  i dont know for how long, just until i feel comfortable doing so.  No matter what i do, it always seems to ruffle feathers and really, i know i'm not the root cause, but just someone to blame.  However, that doesnt stop me from getting it from both sides.  Try to just focus on the happy parts but some dont want to remember.

i'll still be working on making the slave bells.  i have new products in and that is going well.  You can find them here: Aislinn's Erotic Jewels.

I'll still be on plurk occasionally, An Owned Life mostly just hanging out and chatting with a few on the chat bar, and i'll be on facebook from time to time.

Live in the NOW!

This is a new day, one that I have never lived before. I stay in the Now and enjoy each and every moment. ~Louise L. Hay

The past is something that can’t be changed.  Regrets, hurts, pains, and wrongs done are things that can’t be fixed.  Dwelling on those things can affect your present and your future.  The past is over, every day is a new day to grow, change and blossom into the better person that one is destined to be.

The present is the only thing that we have any control over.  The things that we do from second to second, that writes the story of our lives.  One can stay focused on the past; however, they lose sight of all that’s in the present.  Each day holds a beauty that will never be again.  It exists but at that one moment.  The breeze, smell, and energy of life flows forward, and so must we. 

No one knows that the future may hold, not the next year, month, week, day or even minute.  The only thing that’s known is NOW.  Right here, right now…that is what’s real.  The past is gone; the future has yet to happen.  Now is the time to learn, grow, and experience all the things that life has to offer. 

Life’s energy is in the NOW.  Have you embraced that energy today?  Have you utilized it to improve the life that you now live?  There is no change in the past, and it’s only in the NOW that we can build ourselves up for the destiny that we were meant for.

Still Not There Yet, Still Room to Grow

It’s been an interesting few days to say the least, a lot that is not good, but thankfully there are bright sides so I’ll focus on those.  I’m still moving forward in my life.  But a few road blocks have been it, but that’s life…go around or break them down and move on.  I think that’s what I’ve focused on now.  Putting one foot in front of the other, but cant help but wonder if something permanent transpired or just another temporary setback.  Okay enough of the negative, it’s past actions and I cant do anything about them, but learn and move forward.

On the positives, well, I went back to focusing on the things that I need to do, and so I started making more slave bells again.  And low and behold, but I sold 2 of them in one day.  It was wonderful to wake up that morning to see that one was sold, it was an emotional boost that I needed.  Then later the same day I finished and posted another anklet and it wasn’t up more than 15 mins before it was sold.  I was shocked and amazed as well as extremely greatful.

I have started working with wire work on the anklets, it takes a LOT longer to make one but I like the end result.  It’s like nothing I have seen in dancing/slave bells and it looks very delicate.  Over all I’m very pleased with them, although I’m probably not charging enough for the amount of time it takes to make them.  But such is life.

The other positive I have going on is that I have my body in a state of ketosis.  I monitor it closely as to not let my ketones get too high, but it means that my body is burning fat…YIPEE!!  I have been steadily losing weight now for about 2 weeks and I’m very excited.  I need to continue this and stick with it.  I know it will work.  I just need to maintain focus and determination.  I CAN do this, and I will.

All in all I’m surviving at this point and trying to avoid any emotional triggers.  I had one breakdown earlier this week and I don’t want another.  The only way to change perception is to change myself…transform it and make it new.