Well, I’ve been unowned for a month now. It’s different and while in some ways it’s good, in other it’s just heartbreaking. I keep trying to keep in mind that this is just another bump in the road and that we will get past it and ultimately be stronger for it; I cant help but have doubts enter my mind. I know of my commitment but I am only one side of the equation. I still have a tendency to get frustrated, although, it doesn’t have as strong of a ramification as it did before. I can give the space that may be needed, but still long for the comfort of having the same ultimate goal.
I have accomplished a great deal this month. I have walked at minimum a mile every single day. I have started lifting weights which will help. My house is more stable; I’m more stable. I’ve gotten the chance to play twice; which was awesome. I have been able to grow in that area and it brings me great pleasure. I have found that I truly and honestly enjoy the masochistic me. It lets me connect with people on a different level and allows me to fulfill that need to physically submit to someone. To be someones toy for awhile, no thoughts, just feel. And I feel every bit of it. It’s like coming alive. I can feel the energy in the room and it fills me.
I’ve gotten to experience different types of play now. Both with heavy floggers that I love and some more stingier things. I like the dragon tongues and want to experience more of them. I would like to continue to develop with the canes, when they are used with the floggers it’s quite nice indeed. I still have some other things that I haven’t really experienced yet but I want to try them soon. I’d like to try clothes pins both on the lips of my pussy and around my breasts *not on the nipples because I already know that they are WAY too sensitive for that*. I also what to try cell popping and even needle play a bit…as well as wax play.
The cell popping and needle play are newer interests. I have read about other’s experiences with it, and the idea fascinates me. And I now know from some more experience that I can handle a lot more than I thought I could and that in the midst of happy floaty land that needle play would probably be on an entirely different level than getting blood drawn. Given my fear of branding…I want to confront it a bit by watching a cell popping first and then perhaps trying it myself.
I am finding myself falling deeper and deeper into the lifestyle and I like that. It just feels right and it’s a natural development. I suppose in a way I’m very lucky that I have a few things that prevent me from really jumping in too fast, otherwise I would probably get myself in over my head in my desire to experience more. And I’m also fortunate to be surrounded by some awesome friends…I love you so much you just have no idea how much you all mean to me.
I’m going to try and continue the positive movement in my life. I’m hoping to be able to get some supplies to make some crafty type items to sell and bring in some extra money into the house. Lol, even if it’s only $10 a month it’s something and it will keep me busy. So I have one project I want to start this coming month and another one I want to start in March. I’m not exactly sure how that will play out, but it’s something that’s worth a shot. Some of it is a shot in the dark and I have no real clue to what I’m doing and then there are others that I have a fairly good grasp on. Time will tell how those ventures go. My biggest adventure so far is finding wholesalers for the supplies that I want. It’s been a long process there but a few things have come together, I hope.
Well, one month down…time to start on the next one. Cheers!