Taking A Step Back

I did not have a good day the other day.  I was emotional before I even woke all the way up.  *never a good sign*  It’s actually why I got out of bed in the first place, to start doing things to get distract myself from the thoughts in my head.  My day just continued to get worse.  And at one point I even had a mini-break down.  It was at that time I took a step back.  I took a step back and surrounded myself with people I knew would be able to support me.  And they did, I have the most awesome friends ever, and I love you all.

I wrote…trying to remind myself of the specialness that I have within me and that I can handle and surpass whatever is thrown at me.  It helped but not by a lot.  I wasn’t in a place to deal with much, everything seemed to be coming at me.  Unfiltered emotions running rampant. And so I took that step back from areas that I knew would only trigger things further.  I needed to, I had to, or I would have gone nuts.  I knew I was taking things harder than I should be, and that I would be better the next day.  Recover and adapt seems to be my way. I just needed some time to do that…and I took it.

I did a bit of evaluating on a few areas of my life.  I am still not sure if I found all the answers, but life is not about finding the answers but looking at the questions.  What is life without passion? I’m not sure I ever really want to find out.  I am passionate about many things, and the life that I want to lead is one of them.  I have high ideals for things, that sometimes go against the goals of another.  I get frustrated, I speak out…it’s hard not to when it’s something that you care about.  So, there is another thing I need to step back from and let things develop as they may.  However, the step back does not mean gone, just letting go of certain things.  I put myself out there too much right now, in a time that I should be taking for myself.  To rebuild a life is not an easy task, and sometimes it’s easier to just do something else for someone else.  It’s always easier to help someone else than it is to help myself sometimes.  Okay, most of the time.  I can forget my own hurts and pains and engross myself in the needs of someone else.  Helping them, listening to them, and trying to guide them, it puts my mind at ease, but doesn’t take care of me.  I have no idea why I’m so much better at guiding someone else than I am at guiding myself, but it’s true.

Until I was in a better space in my head, I closed off a few areas in my life, the messenger being one of them.  There were just a few on there that are emotional black holes and I was dealing with an energy hole within myself.  I hate that feeling…that emptiness that seems to suck the life out of everything and yet never gets full.  I like to give positive energy out…I’m at peace being able to lift people up and bring some light to their day.  The dark days are very difficult for me to deal with, I’m learning slowly ways to work with them as no one can be happy and chipper 24/7, but it’s a touch and go thing sometimes.

I want to take a moment to thank my friends who supported me when I was down.  I appreciate it very much.  You held me up, instead of just saying I was feeling sorry for myself…when I’m spinning that only seems to make things worse.  You helped me work through the thoughts in my head by reminding me of all the good things that I do and am.  Sometimes you need to be reminded that you do have a purpose and that you do have value.

Okay I’m going to stop writing before this turns into a novel.  I wish everyone a wonderful day.