Working on taking an honest look at things, and one of those is how people view me. I am amazed at the spectrum of opinions there are and it got me to wondering why. Is it solely their perceptions from past experiences with others, is it truly me, is it their choice to see the negative, or do those bringing out the negativity within me? And then I also look at the amount of time that I spend interacting with these individuals, and how often they have been positive uplifting experience and how many have been challenging. Do they take the time to truly get to know me…in an open and honest manner, or always waiting for me to make a mistake?
I was joking around with one of my friends a few weeks ago, when out of the blue she said “you’re such a cutie” and I sort of flippantly answered “yeah, I know.” She then replied with “But then so are you, sweetie! i think youre one of the most real people in the room, because you dont put on a front, pretend to be anything you arent, & youre always so honest & yet polite & kind. But you dont lay back & let anyone walk on you either. You just pick your battles wisely & calmly. you are always a real lady with dignity & humor & clarity You rarely get sucked into a mindless conflict.” I was floored. I had known her for a long time. I was amazed at the impression I had made on her. It really does wrap up the person that I strive to be. I have others that say I’m sweet, kind, and giving. And lol, not all of them are just online, but others that I know real time as well.
I have also been called selfish, hurtful, unkind, and jealous. These are things that I don’t strive to be. So why is it that some see this side of me? They are not characteristics that I try to cultivate. Is it the time they have spent getting to know me, is it too little or too much? Have they truly tried to find and see who I am, inside and out? Have they truly tried to get to know me, or just watch for me to be those things because they expect them?
Honestly, the truth is most likely in the middle. I can be hotheaded and I can easily be hurt. I lash out from time to time, and say things that I shouldn’t. But I also give my heart to most anyone I see in pain. I want to comfort them and support them.
Fortunately or unfortunately, I am all those characteristics. I can only hope and pray that my good side may shine brighter than my dark. And hope that one day, those that don’t see the good parts of me, may one day be able to see it.