my Sanctuary


Welcome to my sanctuary. This is a place for me to share the ups and downs of my life as a mother, woman, friend, and subbie. To revel in the triumphs and work through the difficult parts, but to always be me...the good...the bad...and the playful.

The Slow Death of the Pain Wimp

Wow, when everything starts to fall into place, it really falls into place. As most know, I was the confirmed pain wimp. *what wait a second WAS!!!* Yes, that’s right WAS the pain wimp. When did this miraculous development happen, you ask, well, it started a few months ago with my first into to the flogger, continued on Halloween, and then a major blow was dealt over thanksgiving week.

Let’s start with a bit of a refresher for those that haven’t followed my misadventures. I was a confirmed pain wimp. The thought of being spanked, punished, flogged, whipped…scared the daylights out of me. When I first moved down here to my Master just the sight of His paddle would make me shake *and not in a good way*…a swat with it or just about anything else sent restless nights my way. Slowly..that changed…a swat here and there..some playful banter to go with, and suddenly the panic receded and was replaced with a tad bit of wonder.

Then came the flogger…it’s a soft suede one, and not ouchie at all. A great starter one I would say. And as I became used to it…I wanted more, wanted to see just how much more I could take…how much further I could go. I was excited as my fear started to slip and give way; a whole new side of things was opening up to me and I wanted to venture forth into it.

The next big step came on Halloween when I attended a play party. I was extremely nervous but it was wonderful to see and watch as subs and slaves were put through their paces so to speak. Later in the evening I had relaxed and felt comfortable enough myself that I bravely was taken to the spanking bench. Mind you this was the first time I had ever been actually placed anywhere for the distinct purpose of being spanked/paddles/flogged. I was so nervous, but fortunately I had great people supporting me, including another sub/slave that stayed right by me and talked and watched me as it happened. I think that gave me the confidence to get up on that bench. Being on there was an excerise in processing…double time as I had one spanking me with a paddle and another with a flogger. Wow, the sensations that were going through me as I would process things was amazing. At times I was able to process things well and just get just to being hit, and then WACK a really hard one that would be difficult to process but not over the edge. It would just bring me close enough to know that I could handle it…then they would back down a bit as a processed through the pain. This went on for about 30mins…at times it was lovely, and at times very very intense as I would be hit quickly in succession. Getting down off the bench I was shaky and so excited about what I had done. Having everyone there and watching me was a bonus as well, and that too was an experience. To have people watching as I was getting my beating. About 20mins off of the bench I was ready to hop back up there…and the addiction was truly born.

Over Thanksgiving, I think a critical hit was taken by the pain wimp. To start with the whole experience was different from the time I stepped through the door. Attitude, atmosphere…everything was fresh and new. I was immediately told to strip naked **a first for in the home** and was shackled both ankles and wrists. Was told that I had to ask permission for everything except to use the bathroom **another first**. I knew this week would be different from any other and that I would be delving deeper into the lifestyle than I had before...i was nervous and excited. New things started almost immediately…nipple clamps *still don’t like those*, a push pin rolling wheel *not too bad until it’s rolled over the nipples and placed under the tits for a while (I have large heavy breast so it started hurting), then a metal comb what made my entire back marked and sensitive, next came the I was really nervous. Whips scare me the sound remind me of dark days..but I was curious as to how it would feel. Having watched it being used at the Halloween party, I was excited to have it used on me too. There were so many mixed emotions going on, that I had to let go of them or drive myself crazy and so I did. Then there was that first slap…ouchie…then..mmm…I kinda like that…and again and again. Then a snappy hit..ouchie *holy shit didn’t like that* and another slappy hit..okay I like that one. Slowly I was learning not only what I liked and didn’t like, but what I could and couldn’t handle. After a short while I was taken to another area to be laid on a table…now it was time for the paddles, floggers, and canes.

Okay, now I’m all nervous again…and trying to remember to breathe…breathing is good. It started with some light flogging…yummy I love the floggers…**have learned not to make such a blanket statement** because as soon as I said that out comes this little innocent flogger. Ouchie, but that little fucker hurts…snappy like a rubber band..and ouchie annoying ouch. Then came the heavy thuddy flogger that when struck hard just about knocks the wind out of you…and I just wanted more. OMG I was in heaven, it hurt…but in such a good way, and the hard I was hit with it the more I liked it and the faster the better I just wanted more more more. Then WACK…holy fucking shit what the hell was that…and I met the cane. Talk about throwing me for a loop, insta tears and omg, if you hit me with that again…I’m gonna lose it. At that point play stopped for a bit as I was allowed time to process the hit. Damn but I don’t like that toy yet. Way too intense for me…but I was given time to relax again, and the flogging and paddling continued. Now, I don’t mind the paddles so much, but the little itty bitty paddles are ouchie after you have been hit in the same spot like 50 times…what starts out as not so bad becomes…okay you can move to a different spot now cause that’s starting to hurt like hell. Then came the introduction of the hitachi..omfg!! Okay I love that thing..wowza..and I now know that there can be too much of a good thing as once I was allowed to cum, mmm, I wasn’t allowed to stop…for a long time. *shakes head in disbelief* Never thought I would ask to be allowed NOT to cum, but…sure enough I found myself saying the words.

With the intensity of the day before the next day was not nearly as much, but it was by far my favorite day. I got to be a practice dolly for some flogging fun. It was wonderful. And again the harder and faster I was hit, the more intense it was and the more intense that more I loved it. As it was harder and faster the further I would start drifting and flying and it was a sensation that I just don’t have words for. It would build and build until I almost couldn’t stand it..and then out came the rabbit fur and boobies *smiles*. And there came the longing for more, harder faster…more more more.

Now that it’s been a few weeks since then there is this aching need to do it all again. A DEEP aching need. I want to see how far I can go this time..i want to push and be pushed over that edge. This has opened up a whole new world for me and it’s almost like starting at the very beginning. I’m so excited to see where this path will take me now. What things that I say I can’t do…will I be able to do in the future. That’s one wonderful thing about this lifestyle, is that there is always something to grow into and out of, deeper levels as growth and confidence start to come more into play.


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