The Dreams Continue

There was a time when images such as this used to scare the crap out of me; now however, they intrigue me and turn me on. The images have infiltrated my dreams and waking fantasies.  At first they were just mild fantasies wondering what it would feel like, what it would be like trusting someone to do that.  When they first started, they were very disturbing to me and my curiosity and my head would fight over the common sense of it all.  i just couldnt let go of my fear enough to really delve into it.  But as curiosity does most of the time...it finallly won.

Finally, i was relaxed enough to actually experience a spanking/paddling/flogging.  Wow, it was wonderful, intense, and still scary all at the same time.  But even then, i was still holding back, still not letting myself completely give up that control that i had over myself; however, that desire and longing to push and be pushed over that edge is always there. That desire burns and grows in a way i wish i could explain...the best i can come up with is those that go skydrive and how once they have done it...it's an addiction and they cant wait to do it again.

My second experience added a blindfold to the mix, and i loved it.  It allowed me to float and let go more, although still not all the way.  But it's just made that desire all the more strong, to truly be helpless even from myself.  The desire to be driven over that edge...i've peered at it...looked over but havent crossed it...not yet.  But i want to, need to, and have to soon.

It's taken me awhile to come to terms with my fear about those desires, and the fears of the past that those desires may bring up...but as with most things, my head was my worst enemy.  i've come to terms with those desires and needs, now it's finding a way to satisfy that need and balance out the rest of my life.

One day, i will go over that edge...i know it.  i just need to find someone that i trust enough to catch me when i get down to that bottom and help me back to the top.  Course, it always helps if they want to help take you there too.