Big Steps Forward

Wow, things are moving forward.  I made a big and yet very frightening step today.  I put the slave bells up for sale.  I am extremely nervous about it.  I have had so many ideas on doing things and SO many have been utter failures.  But, I only takes one thing to start things moving and hopefully this is it.  This is the year that I change my life.  On one hand I’m so open to the possibilities right now, but on another I think it will be the end of something else.  So many have been truly supportive, asking questions, encouraging me to do this, and telling me how well I progressed in my skill.  I cant ever thank you all enough.

Well, you can imagine my surprise when I have already gotten notices that I have sold some anklets.  I was shocked and so absolutely giddy.  I almost can’t believe it.  I know this is the turnaround in my life that I was hoping for…I can and do serve a purpose.  I do love and want to live the lifestyle.  Maybe not everyone’s idea of it, but what works for me and what works for those I’m with.  I am happy doing my “thing” and then playing with others.  Would I have rather done this with someone…well, yes, but just because I wanted it to be this way with them, doesn’t mean they wanted it to be that way.  So I’m forging my own path.  I am getting to know real lifestyle people, and be as active as I can in the community here.

I know at some point I’ll be able to find the relationship that works for me.  i could never go back to vanilla, it’s not even an option for me…hell, I can barely last vanilla between playdates.  That said, I still long for more than just playmates in my life.  I’m not ready for more…I know that.  I don’t want to get into a relationship while I feel that I’m vulnerable to pretty words and a sharp flogger, whip, cane, and all sorts of other things that’s on the list to experience.  I want to make sure that I’m on solid ground before moving forward in that way.

Okay, healthwise, I haven’t been doing so hot.  I have the cough from hell it’s made my workouts suffer unfortunately.  However, as soon as this damn cough is gone, you can bet your ass, I’m back at it.